Addicted

Ever since Xander was born, Matt and I have been struggling to make ends meet financially. With only his income and a piddly government maternity pay at our disposal, we’ve had to cut back.

Sick to death of living like a pauper, I started researching ways to save money without feeling like I’m living in squalor. Couponing seemed to be the best solution, so I gave it a shot.

In the 5 months since I began, I can proudly say that I’ve halved our monthly grocery bills, and have upgraded the quality of the goods we are purchasing. No more store brand/no name brands for us, top brands welcome back to my cupboards!

In addition to the loads of money we’ve saved by couponing, I’ve been able to create a small stockpile of household items that cost either nothing, or next to nothing. In my current stockpile I have;

10x boxes of hair color @ $2/box
7x laundry detergent @ $0.97 per bottle
20x toothbrushes <—FREE!
25x mouthwashes <—FREE!
25x dental floss <—FREE!
17x shampoo @ $1 each
17x conditioner <—FREE!
12x dish soap $1 or less each
33x body wash (for babies, mommy, and daddy combined) $1.50ish each (some were free)
and many MANY other things crammed in the stockpile as well…

Point is, there are things I will NEVER pay for again. Like anything oral hygiene related will ALWAYS be free. Cleaning products will never cost me an arm and a leg ever again.

There are only a few items which I have not been able to save much money on… baby formula for example. It is INSANE how much that shit costs! If you were able to breastfeed your children then you are SO beyond lucky! Unfortunately, for as much as I wanted to, I was unable.
So I got stuck paying $50/wk for formula. INSANITY!

Thankfully, AJ only has a few more months to go, then we're formula free in this household which will save us EVEN MORE money.

Those of you that struggle with money NEED to coupon. And I'm not talking about breaking out a save $0.50 when you spend $5 type of thing… you need to SERIOUSLY get into this.

YES, it takes time to learn how to coupon effectively.
YES, it can be tedious and time consuming to prepare for your shopping trips.
YES, you might feel embarrassed the first few times you shop this way.
YES, you will feel AMAZING when you see how much money you can save on things you use everyday.

I had never thought that there would be so much free stuff out there for me. I've never been lucky, I've never won ANYTHING in my life. So I just figured "meh, why bother?"

Well, now that I'm in the know, I will NEVER go back to just paying full retail price for ANYTHING ever again.

The total gross value estimate for my stockpile is about $1,000. Not a large stockpile – not yet – but it's growing everyday. My total COST for said stockpile… approximately $100. That's a 90% savings!!!

Almost weekly, I have 'freebie shops' where I'll walk into a store, pile a cart full, and walk out paying nothing but the taxes on the items I'm buying. So where I live, that's like $13 for $100 worth of stuff!

I have become one of those crazy coupon ladies complete with binder in hand. But I'm good at this shit. And I've got to say, the feeling that I can stock my house full of food and anything we need without feeling poor, is the best feeling ever!

You should try it. And if you live in the USA, you REALLY should try it. Cuz here in Canada, we don't have the same benefits as you guys, and I'm still pulling in great hauls!

So how’s YOUR week been?

K…. so Mom had a stroke today. Yeah, and that was the capper to a less than stellar week.

The week started on Sunday with me passing a fucking kidney stone. And fuck you, yeah, it’s a painful as people say it is. Fuck that, it’s WORSE.

If you feel the need to crack a joke at my expense right now, then I have but one thing to say to you…

FUCK YOU!

So yeah… week begins with kidney stone episode and ends with mom has a stroke episode. My life should be a fucking sit-com!

Too bad the fucking ratings would be shit and we’d get canceled after like 2 shows… sound familiar Paris?

Anywho…

Back to kidney stone. It hurt like fuck. Yeah, I said like fuck.

… and this is three weeks after giving birth to my second child.

KIDNEY STONES HURT WAY FUCKING WORSE THAN THE WORST FUCKING LABOR PAINS YOU CAN IMAGINE!

One big plus in the kidney stone column, MORPHINE!

… and percocets.

So if you’re wondering about my current stupidness… it’s the drugs.

BYE-EE!

fml. lol

Superman’s Dead – Part 4

It’s been exactly 3 and a half months since my father’s passing. A lot seems to have changed, while a whole lot more seems to be staying stagnant.

My mother now has her hearing aids, although she NEVER uses them, unless I put them in for her. And even then, she just complains. One second they aren’t loud enough, the next she’s almost crying because a bus drove by. She’s simply not used to all the sounds that most of us take for granted.

She’s still sad, and cries most of the time when I see her. It’s funny to me, in an almost ironic sort of way, how when she’s dealing with my brothers she seems fine, but when I’m around she instantly reverts into tear-flood mode. I really wish I was able to take away some of her pain. I know it seems silly and impossible, but I don’t know.

When I think about my mother and all that’s happening to her, I feel so much pity. Here’s this woman, who for most of her life was reliant on my father for everything. He was the “bread-winner”, he took care of her, the house, us kids, everything. And now for the first time in her life, she is completely alone.

I mean sure, me and my brothers call her everyday, and go visit her, and take her grocery shopping, take care of the house, do all the things that need to be done… but still, she is utterly alone now.

Imagine living life as her. I think I would commit suicide if I were in her shoes. She lost the love of her life, she’s old and barely able to do for herself, and to top everything else off, her mind is failing her. How incredibly lonely and frightening that must be for her. My heart breaks just thinking about it.

Whenever we go driving, she always talks of my father, which of course sends the crazy shivers down my spine. I know I’m a horrible daughter, but I just try not to think of him all that often. It is my coping mechanism. If I allowed myself to think about him, I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning, and do the things I have to do to take care of myself and my family.

She’ll mention him, and tell me of the wonderful dreams she has where he comes to her, and they will sit out in the sunlight in their jungle-like backyard, just talking while having coffee. At first remembrance she’ll smile, and quickly the tears will come back. It rips me into pieces every time.

Sometimes she’ll tell me she feels him next to her in bed, holding her close. I’m almost jealous. I haven’t heard my father’s voice, or hugged him in what seems like forever. A week ago, Matt and I were looking through monkey’s old home movies, and I lost in when my dad came into frame and played with Xan.

I took up helping out my best friend through his divorce so’s to keep my mind off of all things mom/dad related… a way for me to ‘tune out’ if you will. Only that didn’t end so well. He’s now out of my life, because, well, I couldn’t handle the games he was playing. I mean really, hitting on me when all this is going on? He was mine and my husbands friend for years. Why the fuck was he trying to kiss me all time? Douchebag.

Things seem to be mellowing out a bit lately though… my depression seems to have waned a little bit, and I’m almost back to my usual sardonic self. I’m not sure for how long it will last, but right now, I am gonna take it one step at a time….

Ren’s Top Ten DO’s and DON’Ts when tweeting with celebrities

#10 Don’t tell them you love them a hundred times over! They’ve heard it all before a gazillion times, and I’m sure are bored to tears with it.

#9 Don’t beg for a follow. They don’t OWE you a follow, and you getting angry and psychotic about it isn’t going to help your cause. #TrueStory

#8 Do be real with them. Try to get in on a conversation they’re having about something that MATTERS to THEM. Whether it be a hot topic, or a philanthropic cause they care about.

#7 Don’t stalk the people they DO follow and beg THOSE poor people to help you out in gaining the follow of your dreams. THOSE people did things the RIGHT way, and EARNED their follow.

#6 Don’t act like a psychopath. This goes for EVERY situation, whether you’re dealing with a celeb, or an everyday Joe.

#5 Don’t freak out because the celeb of your dreams has not responded to you. Firstly, they, like us, have lives to attend to. They are not glued to their computers 24/7. Not only that, but while they go thru their @replies I would assume they respond to the people who’s tweets have gained their interest. I dont respond to EVERY “showerbag” that tweets me. If I did I’d be getting into twitter fights ALL THE TIME!

#4 Do chill the fuck out.

#3 Do be funny. Everyone likes a good joke. Just make sure it’s in good taste. But if you’re like me, and a lot of your humor is off collar, you might wanna make sure you’re not actually insulting the celeb you wish to take notice of you. BIG MISTAKE!

#2 Don’t be a showerbag. AKA Douchebag.

#1 Do realize that your life is not bettered, nor is your existence validated because some “person” whether famous or not, paid notice to you. You are a human being, some people will like you, others will not. Deal with it.

If you follow these 10 simple rules then you pretty much guarantee yourself to have a happy time on twitter. You also lower your chances of being a) ignored, b) blocked, and c) arrested.

That is all!

Tweet long and prosper!

Ren

Come Back to Me

You always told me you loved me,
but how could you leave me amid all this?
You were supposed to protect me,
and for awhile, you did…
not nearly long enough.

I’m still that lost, scared little girl
you used to hold in your arms when I cried.
My heart is broken,
as is my mind.
Why did you leave?

I can’t handle this by myself.
I have no one that can help me.
I still need you,
I always will…

Please, find a way to come back to me.
I feel like I might die if you don’t.
I want to follow you,
but I know that I can’t.
Please come back.

You lay your head down,
so close to me,
yet you are so far from me.
I can’t see you,
I can’t touch you.
I can’t kiss you.

Please come back to me.

Daddy I miss you.

Superman’s Dead – Part 3

Spending my time split between dealing with my grief, my mother, my brothers and my BFF has gotten me so spun that I have no idea what’s what.

In the midst today of carrying on 3 conversations at once between facebook, and msn… then the phone rings. It’s my cousin. She wants to talk to me about my BFF. Great. So I sit and we chat about their ‘date’ etc, and finally after about an hour, she tells me she has to go. (she’s at work)

I get off the phone, and 2 minutes later, the phone rings again. I look at the call display and presume it’s Crisa calling back. Nope, I’m not that lucky. It’s John…

“What the fuck Ren??!!!!! Why aren’t you picking up the phone for Mom???? She wants to talk to you!”

“Um, Mom called me?”

“Yeah, like 30 times!”

“Was it in the last hour that she tried?”

“Yeah…”

“I was on the phone. I don’t have call waiting dude. And she didn’t leave me a message. I had no idea.”

“Oh….ok”

So after the verbal beating I received from my brother, he continues by TELLING me to take Mom shopping. As in RIGHT NOW. Um, really, why is it SO fucking hard for Tom and him to get that I can’t just run out the door when they tell me to?

John goes on about how she’s freaking out because I “won’t answer the phone”.

He begins telling me about earlier in the day today. She told him she wants to go shopping. Then she decides, that she just wants to go out. So John drives her over to Centrepoint Mall, where her and the million other Greek men and women gather to drink their coffees. She convinces him that she can make her way home on her own, so he leaves.

When he gets home, he discovers that – YET AGAIN – she’s left the front door to the house wide open. John had concluded that since she’s been doing good for the past week, that there really is nothing wrong with her other than her hearing problems. Huh. Denial.

He continues his story… and it ends with Mom being brought home by the TTC cops this time. Wandering, yet AGAIN, mindlessly through the streets. Yeah, she’s totally fine. She’s just deaf. (if you can’t FEEL the oozing sarcasm there, you’re an idiot)

So then he just starts venting, calling her mental, crazy, fucked up, etc. and of course I sit there thinking “DUH”. He threatened her to put her in the nursing home if she doesn’t “smarten up” as he so puts it.

I reiterated the fact that she requires full time care. And that the nursing home is the best solution for us. I remind him that she’s not “acting”, like he continually thinks. John then says, “I don’t care anymore… I just don’t fucking care!”

So now my stomach is one big huge knot. Really… it hurts so much that the pain is barely tolerable. My stomach ulcers can’t take much more of this stress. I’m just waiting for them to start bleeding out.

Everyone views me as miss fix-it. Great, just GREAT. Fuck. What I need to fix… is ME. I don’t have time to worry about me though. Nope, gotta get shit done for everyone else. (yes, I’m whining, fuck you. don’t like it, click the red X in the upper right corner.)

So, I made an appointment for my mother to get her hearing aids fitted for this coming Wednesday. I don’t have anyone to babysit my son, so Mr. Screamer has to come with us. OOH that’ll be SO much fun!

Ugh. I’m tired. I’m just so fucking tired. My brain plays tricks on me. I can’t focus on anything a hundred percent. I don’t like it!

Superman’s Dead – Part 4

Superman’s dead – chapter 2

It’s now 4 days since the memorial service, John’s trying to tie up any loose ends before he has to go back onto the road. I called my mother to see how she’s doing, but of course since her hearing is near nil it was a scream fest which upset my little guy. After 10 minutes of trying to discern if she was alright or needed anything, she told me she wanted to see me and Xander. (My son)

I pack up the little man and headed over to my mom’s place for what is sure to be an excruciating visit. Once I arrive there, karma fails to disappoint. Xan screams bloody murder at the sight of my mother, which in turn makes her loose her shit too. Understand, my little guy LOVES his grandmother, but cannot for the life of him stand being around people when they are miserable. He feels the stress big time and acts out. So of course Mom looses her shit, and this facilitates a ‘super-fun’ visit. (I’m oozing sarcasm)

Yesterday, my mother’s doctor phones me back and tells me what I feared was true; that she has severe cognitive impairment, and will require round the clock care. Fucking perfect.

I had called the CCAC which does evaluations for people that require long term care, and their job is to access what type of care seniors and such require. Only problem is that without my mother’s consent, they won’t even come and do an evaluation on her. More perfect.

I asked them what I should do if she is not able to make decisions for herself, and they informed me that I’d require a letter from her physician stating that she is cognitively impaired, and that I need to go to court to get my mother’s rights stripped away from her essentially.

So I have to be the horrible daughter, and take my mother to court, prove to the world that she’s nuts, and throw her into a nursing home… all for her own good. Oh boy! GOODY! She’s going to just LOVE me after this…

While at the house, my brother and I talked. He apologized for being so pissy. I said that I understand what he’s going through. It’s not easy to take care of my mom. He asked it I’d talk to Tom, because he just won’t do anything at all to help out. He had come over the house yesterday, sat in the house for LITERALLY one minute before taking off. He’d just come over to grab his motorcycle and go for a ride. John wants to shoot him I’m sure. Who doesn’t want to shoot Tom right now?

I told John that I can’t talk to him. I’d just end up scolding him again. Tom’s ten years older than me, and you’d never know it based on his selfishness and demeanor. He does not take care of his own responsibilities, ie. his son, so how on earth can I expect him to step up and help with mom?

I had mentioned to John my conversation with the doctor, and his recommendation. John still doesn’t want to put her in the nursing home. Nor do I for that matter. However, judging by my mother’s increasing deterioration, I don’t see another option. He thinks that we should wait a little bit longer, wait till she’s gotten fitted for her hearing aid. He seems to think that she’ll be fine once she can hear again. As though magically, mom will be cured. I don’t think he wants to accept the truth… that she is pretty well, gone.



Superman’s Dead part 3